Scientists discover 62% of Brits were born yesterday

Claim backed by irrefutable statistics says Ministry of Whoppers

by Steve Cook

News is just coming in that scientists believe the majority of Brits were born yesterday and those who weren't are mentally ill or at least can be considered as such.

The shock discovery proves that the government was right all along as it has been treating voters as if they were born yesterday for years. Examples of this include promises of economic recovery through the shutting down of industry, handing the nation's sovereignty to the WHO and installing millions of potholes in the nation's roads and blaming it on climate change.

It is now proven beyond reasonable thought that the belief was not the mere wishful thinking it appeared because the government's Ministry of Whoppers has produced statistics that clearly show in an unbiased and not at all fiddled way that the birth certificates of over three hundred million Britons  show under the "date of birth" entry, the term "yesterday".

This is further backed up by a graph produced by the Ministry of Graphs that clearly show a rising line.

Thus, we have final conclusive proof that the public can be told anything, no matter how stupid and people will believe it if it is done with a straight face.

Recent claims as to the existence of an epidemic that would have brought the country to its knees had not the government acted swiftly to bring the country to its knees is a case in point.

These claims immediately prompted the birth of a Facebook group, "We weren't born yesterday you twats" that accumulated 900,000 members in the ten minutes between its launch and subsequent shut down by FB's Independent Thought Police.

Meanwhile, a video purporting to show several people being born throughout the past thirty years was deleted by You Tube on the grounds that several of the people shown being born were clearly babies and if they had been born years ago they would look a lot older than that.

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